I am safe (saying I am fine wouldn't really be appropriate), my family and I have been so blessed in both of the large earthquakes that have shook Christchurch. We always had power and water, our house is not destroyed. The area I live in is relatively free of damage and reminders of the heartbreaking disaster that has occurred.
It almost makes it worse, to live somewhere where it looks so peaceful, so normal. You can't escape the footage on the news, which for the first week my face was glued too, tears streaming down my face. I feel like my home is not my home anymore. People are trying to stay positive and looking towards rebuilding and restarting. It will probably take years until we are in any way back to normal. However our city will never look the same again, and feeling safe seems like a far off dream.
Thanks to those who have shown concern and support.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Any one who has done postgraduate study will probably know where I'm coming from. I'm currently entering my 7th year of study and I really feel I couldn't stand being a student any longer - If I couldn't see the finish line I would be constantly curled up in a corner somewhere rocking.
I felt like having goals to work towards has been helpful, but at the same time I feel that my life just consists of working towards milestones in my study and nothing else. Hence the feeling of real life being non-existent. It's taken a toll on my life, but at the same time I have to feel like it's all been worth it. One of the only things that stops me quitting is that after all those years I wouldn't have much to show for myself.
I know this is probably not the last time I will feel like this - there will probably be times later in my life where I feel again like I'm in a holding pattern. I think there is this fairytale in my head that everything will be better once I'm done.
So now instead of procrastinating (thank you internets) I should be focusing on finishing my thesis so I can get on with the next stage of waiting to become an adult.